so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
