I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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