I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize