First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize