she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
