Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
