so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
