these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize