If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
