PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
