Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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