NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
