My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
