New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
