I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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