I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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