you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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