pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
