I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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