I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
