i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
