Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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