K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
