Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
