is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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