Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
