In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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