Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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