So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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