If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
