she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
