I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
