We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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