Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
