guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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