I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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