he puts the penis in happiness.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
