ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
