My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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