she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
