if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
