My Higher Power is John Stamos
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
