my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
