Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
