I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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