This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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