apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize