Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
a search helicopter?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize