I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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