You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
