pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
