Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
