So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
