Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
