Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
