I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
