Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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