i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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