therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
