I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
