i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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