eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
