I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
