i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize