I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
