My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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