I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
