U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
