I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
