After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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