Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
