I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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