Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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