she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize