She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
