Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"it" just moved
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
