so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
