your room smells of hookers.
And success
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
