Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize