Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
