i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
