Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
