what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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