Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
