Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
