Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize