dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
