Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
