drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
