don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
