I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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