Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
