i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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